


doing it right

by WattStalf



Category: Watchmen - All Media Types
Genre: Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kink Meme, M/M, Prostitution, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 18:40:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9136678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: Nelson just wants to do it right.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Last New Year's Eve, I wrote Nelsmut too. what a tradition

He doesn't want to hire somebody. Even that act alone feels desperate, pathetic, feels too much like _him_ , but what other options does he have? Nelson isn't getting any younger, and he isn't having any more luck with love- or what he can pretend is love for the night- than he ever has, at least not since that affair ended. He is lonely; there is no other way to put it, and he doesn't have any options.

Nelson Gardner doesn't want to hire somebody, but when he gets lonely enough, he gives in at last, and he tells himself that it's different. It's different for him, because he doesn't have anybody he else, he isn't using this whore for anything but self-gratification in his old age- the ripe old age of early-to-mid forties, he thinks with a bitter laugh. It's different for him, because he isn't betraying anyone's trust, and it's different for him because he is never going to be like that man was.

He caught him a few times and he knew, he knew that what his “lover” was doing went farther than cheating, was worse in so many ways. Nelson saw the fresh bruises, saw the bloody noses, saw the swollen eyes, saw all the injuries that were always fresh, and he saw the look. The boys were different, but the look was always the same, and he knew that this was different.

They had...particular aspects of their arrangement, and though they were not aspects that Nelson was proud of, or aspects that he wanted to exist, they were there, and he enjoyed those aspects, more than an ordinary person would, he was always sure. He accepted this, and it worked out for their mutual benefit, but he could tell from that one look that these boys didn't want this, didn't expect this and didn't consent to this. In the moments when he made eye contact with them, he pitied them more than he envied them, and he was still sick enough that he envied them, at least a little bit.

Because, at least, he would have wanted it and would have appreciated it, and to this day, he still doesn't know why he got boring. Maybe it was because he wanted it so much.

Whatever the case, it's going to be different for him, and it's going to be different for whatever boy he ends up with for the evening. He swears that it doesn't count, that this isn't the same sort of thing, and then he can start to convince himself that this is all okay.

~X~

The boy he ends up with is young and blonde and would remind Nelson of himself when he was younger, except this boy is scrawny, and not just in his lack of muscles. He looks as if he isn't getting his three meals a day, and his face looks like he isn't getting his eight hours of sleep, but Nelson can at least relate to that one, and he isn't here to play at being this boy's father.

He tries so hard to be gentle when he fucks him. The only thing he can think of is not doing anything to hurt him, not doing anything to leave any damage, lasting or otherwise. He isn't sure that he likes things like this; in fact, if he were to be honest with himself, he knows that he would find all of this boring, but boring is the best he can hope for right now, isn't it? The past is over and done with, isn't it?

The boy lets out fake-sounding moans every now and again, playing this up as much as he can while Nelson keeps up his shallow thrusts and finds that he simply can't do this without getting caught in his memories and in his fears. It takes him far too long to reach a climax like this, and the whore doesn't get off at all, so Nelson gives him a sizable tip and never sees him again.

~X~

The next boy is blonde as well, but it's clearly fake, clearly bleached. That doesn't really matter, and Nelson tangles his fingers in that bleached hair while the boy sucks him off, but he's careful not to pull his hair too much. It's not much better, he realizes, but he doesn't complain because, even if it feels wrong, he knows that he's doing this the right way. As long as he's doing this the right way, what else matters?

It takes him too long to get off again, and when he offers to do something, the prostitute refuses, and wants to take his payment. Once again, Nelson tips well. Once again, he doesn't attempt to hire him again.

~X~

He finds a third, and this time, he decides that he will be the one on his knees. The boy, a brunette this time, tries to tell him that he doesn't have to, but Nelson insists, saying that this is what he wants and this is what he's paying for. He feels more comfortable like this; at the very least, it's much less like pretending to be someone he isn't, and, at the very least, it's easier to pretend...

But he shouldn't be pretending anything. The past is over and done with, but no matter how much changes, he realizes that he hasn't changed a bit. Nelson wants to ask the boy to pull his hair when he takes his cock between his lips, he wants to ask the boy to take control and fuck his throat without any concern for his comfort or well-being, but he doesn't.

In the end, he is able to pride himself in the fact that he can get the boy off at all, but he isn't able to enjoy himself doing something like this like he once was.

“Hit me,” he mumbles, after he swallows and pulls back and catches his breath.

“What'd ya say?”

He stands and steadies himself, looking down into the boys tired eyes. “Nothing,” he says. Whether his whore believes him or not is irrelevant, and he pays him and sends him on his way. He doesn't tip as generously as before, but he isn't sure if that's ever been the right thing to do.

~X~

Nelson sits alone, his face in his hands, and he wonders what it's going to take to cure this loneliness. He's doing everything the right way, but he supposes he's never been able to fit in with the right way. Perhaps, he realizes, he's always been wrong, every last part of him. But no matter how things change, Nelson never does, and he isn't sure if he ever will.

 


End file.
